The 3-Minute Game
- Tair Lewin
- Jun 16
- 2 min read
The 3-Minute Game is one of my favourite practices for exploring the art of touch, consent and themes like giving and receiving. It was originally developed by Harry Faddis, and Betty Martin refined it in the context of her Wheel of Consent model and made it extremly accessible.
It is a very simple and playful way to dive into this research and involves two people asking and answering two simple questions:
1. What do you want me to do to you for 3 minutes?
2. What do you want to do to me for 3 minutes?
Each person takes turns being the asker and the responder, which leads to four rounds total (2 per person).
The game is deceptively simple but reveals a lot about:
• What a person wants
• How it feels to receive or give
• How it feels to ask or be asked
• How clear or murky someone’s boundaries and desires are
I recommend checking out Betty Martins work, here a link to her school of consent.
🌬️ and here a simple exercise inspired by the 3 min game, you can practice with your partner, lover or friend:
Touch & Receive – A 5-Minute Exercise for Giving and Receiving
Decide who starts as the giver and who is the receiver. (You’ll switch roles later.)
Take a moment to feel into your body. Notice your breath, sensations, connect to your nervous system, notice, do you feel alert, relaxed, calm, exited,…?
The giver, gently take the receiver’s hand: Touch the hand slowly and with curiosity — explore the shape, texture, warmth. You can stroke, hold, or move the hand gently — but always stay soft and present.
The receiver, simply let your hand be touched. You don’t need to do anything — just allow and notice. Can you let your hand relax? What does your body feel like while you receive?
Do this for 2–3 minutes. Then switch roles.
After both have had a turn:
Take a moment to pause and reflect:
• How did it feel to give?
• How did it feel to receive?
• What did you notice in your body?
(Warmth, tension, ease, emotion, numbness — all are welcome.)
If it feels good:
After exploring the hand, you may decide together to try the same exercise with another body part — like the forearm, shoulder, or head, ears, neck, lips, toes,…
Only explore what both feel comfortable with — go slowly, and always check in with each other.
❤️
I hope you enjoy this exercise,
Warmest,
Your Tair
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